Attitude Reconstruction by Jude Bijou

Author:Jude Bijou
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: change, personal growth, spirituality, happiness, success, authenticity, self help, acceptance, communication, attitudes, positive thinking, life changing, personal transformation
Publisher: Jude Bijou

Rule Four: Listen

At the end of my communication workshops, I ask students to share what they will take away from the day. I’m continually surprised at the number of people who say, “The importance of listening.” A huge burden is lifted when people realize they’re not responsible for keeping conversations going by talking continually. People with a fear constitution often tell stories or engage in idle commentary to avoid silence. But they soon learn that lapses of silence give others the opportunity to speak up and time to integrate what has been said.

Ideally, listening and talking should be in balance. But listening isn’t the passive experience you might be used to. Listening well is a skill that usually requires the most practice. Being a good listener skyrockets the quality of your relationships, and it’s also one of the easiest ways you can promote intimacy, understanding, closeness, and love. If you can’t listen to someone else with empathy, consider emoting and/or powering on a truth such as “Your viewpoints and needs are as important as mine.” Virtually no one feels sufficiently heard. Half-listening, multitasking, or daydreaming while others are speaking is a no-no so you should get out of the habit as soon as possible. How many times have you asked, “How are you?” without pausing to listen to the other person’s response? Hmmm. You’re not the only one who probably can’t remember.

The best way to show you’re listening is to close your mouth, shut out background noise, and give the other person undivided attention. It's definitely not the ‘normal’ thing to do in this age where it's considered good to do ten things at once: speaking, while texting, while shopping for groceries, while picking gum out of your five-year-old’s braid. Full attention when someone else is speaking also means you’re not already gearing up for an opportunity to counter with your own opinions. You may think you’re demonstrating empathy when you interrupt another person’s story to chime in about your own experience. But you may be surprised to find the other person doesn’t really care about a “bigger fish” story; they just wore their heart on their sleeves and you’re trying to one up them! Communication has turned into competition.

If you tend to interrupt or dominate every conversation, slap some imaginary duct tape on your mouth when someone else is speaking. Hogging the airtime or not paying attention to another person who’s speaking will produce anger in others. When you don’t listen to someone, you’re failing to acknowledge that person as an equal. And that's never going to inspire good feelings. The other person perceives it as a violation and responds accordingly. Listening well, on the other hand, promotes love. It’s a form of selfless giving and an invitation to connect.

Just because you understand a person’s position doesn’t automatically mean you agree with it. For love to flourish, you must fully accept that other people’s viewpoints and needs are as valid as yours. This seems to be challenging for many who have developed strong opinions about everything from politics to mothering techniques.

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